so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
