I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
