After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
