My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize