We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
