how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he fucked my hip out of place.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
