Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
