We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
