to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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