i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
