Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Houston, we have a squirter
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
