The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
