I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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