i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
