I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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