hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
