I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
