Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sext me about skeletons
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
