): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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