in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
