sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
