I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize