Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize