I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
