someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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