Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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