i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
