Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
