My Higher Power is John Stamos
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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