i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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