guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
