But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
