You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
