i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i now understand why vodka
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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