I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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