I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
