Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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