Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I skipped work to stalk him.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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