One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
