I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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