Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He passed out mid-signature
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
