if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
No stitches, just platelets and will power
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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