a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She's the barista slut.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
being pregnant is like rehab
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
