my mouth tastes like poor choices
How's work?
Spinning.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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