i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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