And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
