The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
