felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
