i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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