i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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