Cold hands, warm shart.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
