dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
