You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
