he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
