i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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