you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
