the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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