Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
