I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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