I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
