I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
