wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
