She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
