I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
