he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize