I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
