he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
her facebook's as public as her vagina
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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