You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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