i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
