I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
