When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
