Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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