YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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