I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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