My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
