I'm gonna have a badass scar
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
