shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
