Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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