i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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