Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
