are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize