Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
